the truth. I've heard this line most in hollywood movies during a courtroom trial. I never paid much attention to it.
Until I met Asli. She's one of the closest friends I have and though we have many many differences, I admire her a lot. There's a list, but the quality I've come to admire about her the most, is her almost religious need to stick to the truth and live by it. And this has made me think a lot about the truth, speaking it, hearing it, living it and the consequences of that doctrine.
The truth, plain and simple, hurts at the worse of times, most of the times it complicates things, but the best case is when you get this amazingly good feeling inside you on hearing the truth.
"Does this dress make me look fat?" - You must be careful here. The truth may hurt or simply complicate things. If you say "yes" too quickly, then there's doubt in the her mind. If you take a few seconds, there's doubt in her mind. Like I said complicated. Of course, this is probably the most trivial and inconsequential example (maybe).
"Yes, I'm sorry, it was my fault. I promise not to let it happen again." - This may or may not be true. Maybe it is your fault and you're admitting it truthfully; maybe it's not your fault and you're trying to soothe things over to , here we go again, stem the complications. I must be honest and say that I've been in both situations, and in each of them, I've felt a little dishonest.
When it is my fault, and I've meant the sorry and admitted to the truth, I promised that it won't happen again. Of course I intend to stick to it, but sometimes I do it again. And deep in my heart, when I speak the truth to myself, I knew that it would happen again. But the effort to not let it happen again was genuine. The second situation, well, that's straightforward. Everyone's been through it and I'm sure that everyone does, atleast I thought that, till I met Asli.
Then there are truths that make your heart flutter and fly all over the place, singing and dancing in happiness. You know the ones I mean. "I love you too.." from your sibling, parents, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, best friend. In these times, these words are given special importance and can only be uttered if you're "really really serious.."; whatever the hell that means. You love someone, you say it. Sometimes it will complicate things in a way that even trying to understand Special Relativity can't. Most times it'll give you or the recipient that feeling I'm talking in the beginning. Other ones which elicit the same feeling are "You don't have it..but please be more careful next time !", "I forgive you..", and my personal favourite which comes without hesitation from my best friends "Sure, no problem, time is not a problem. I'll do it. Don't say thanks and all that stuff.." You can count on these folk..
The ugly truths....and these are normally the most important ones. I say this because they normally tell us the "ugly truth" about either ourselves or of somebody else.
"Yes, I've been having an affair.", "I don't think that I love you anymore..", "I don't think that this is working out..", "I'm sorry, but you have terminal cancer." , "I think that I'm an alcoholic.", "I think that I have a lying problem.", "I think our son has a drug problem.", "I think that I'm ugly.", "Don't ever hit me again..".
Do we have the courage to face these? We've probably gone through one of these or (God forbid) several of these in our lifetimes..I've been through one or two myself, and I hope to say that I've come out a stronger and better (?) person. The truth never lies, only we do..
truly insightful mehul! yes.. theres nothing more profound than the truth, its hurts but helps heal too! am glad you wrote this piece, I am sure it relates to all of us in more ways than one!
ReplyDeleteMaha
Mehul!
ReplyDeleteDo I really look fat in that dress?!
:D
Well said Mehul but allow me to contemplate in this space for a minute.
ReplyDeleteFirst, there is an aspect of timing that is important to consider as well ( and obviously I am not talking about the feel-good types of truths here).
When do you tell the truth? DO you only utter it when you are asked? You may be being truthful when you tell someone how you feel even if they may not want to hear it or have asked for it. But are you being nice? I guess I am wondering if telling the truth is sometimes less important than being sensitive and supportive.
When is the right time to stand up and speak the truth in front of a group of people-your bosees, friends, family, colleagues- who all disagree with you? Is it ever the wrong time to stand up for the truth and how far are you willing to go for it? Are you willing to jeopardise your job, distance your loved ones, piss off your peers? Is it sometimes better to let the truth be left unsaid?
The second issue is who can or do we tell the truth to? I don't know the answer to that one. How thin is the line between being honest and being obnoxious?
The last thing I ponder over is whether not saying anything at all is equivalent to lying? In other words, is not telling the truth always the same as lying?
Sometimes I feel that life and relationships are complex enough without complicating them further by being completely honest all the time. But then I think about the nature of truth. It always comes out... doesn't it?
You're right Purvi. But when I say courage for being truthful, I think that I also meant courage for accepting the truth. Sure, there may be a good time to tell the truth or "give" the truth, but that doesn't change the matter of fact.
ReplyDeleteWe're exceptionally adept at accepting the truth from our friends; most times whether we want it or not. Of course, I feel that being sensitive and supportive are just as important. But I think those are done so that the person or you can handle the truth better.
I for one, think that some things are better left unsaid. Yes, you can either live by your principles and stand up and go as far as possible for those ideals. But it's a very tough life to live.
About being honest and obnoxious..that totally depends on the person who you're talking to. I can be brutally honest to my friends (and thankfully they're accepting of it) and not be obnoxious, but there are other people, strangers mostly, who will think that being honest is the same as being obnoxious. I guess you can do your little bit and let people decide whether you're honest or obnoxious, but the point is that you should be able to deal with their reactions.
Finally...not telling the truth; is that lying? People conveniently use the phrase "Don't make me lie to you.." when asked a question which they're uncomfortable answering. They're either scared of complications or scared of hurting or scared of being found out that they lied. I don't know about this...still something for me to think about.
when to tell the truth?
ReplyDeleteIf you hesitate to tell the truth just to protect your ass don't think and tell the truth. If you think the truth may hurt someone, think twice before telling it.
Then it is easier to draw the line...
A simple life? Keep it simple!
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